there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
