Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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