Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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