I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize