so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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