I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
