does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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