four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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