So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
whose parrot is this?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
