and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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