Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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