Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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