I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
