How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
