my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
