I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
