She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
