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next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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