Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then my night got REAL pukey
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
