Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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