Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i have two assholes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
