I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
