she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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