worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Randomize
