Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
