yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
