i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
