Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
