Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
