i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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