idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
