Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
