I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
