I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
a search helicopter?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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