Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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