is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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