Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
