Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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