i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
