Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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