I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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