Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
