When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
