Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
