Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
