if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
