dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
