Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
