She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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