I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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