I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
