I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
