a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize