I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
