I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
