I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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