Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
