i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
