this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
