I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
