About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
