soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
