OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
