Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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