Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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