you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
either way he was missing a nipple.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
