thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize