I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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