I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
