she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
