All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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