I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
